Hearing Voices

My daily life is a cacaphony of noise. There is a constant stream of dialogue from my kids, a never-ending soundtrack of noisy toys and noisy play. So is it any wonder that I'm having a bit of trouble singling out the sound of my own voice in the midst of all this?

Not my outer voice -- I hear plenty of that. But the inner one, the one that guides you. The one that tells you who the heck you are and how to make something meaningful out of your life. I've been trying hard lately to listen for it, but it's just not piping up the way I'd like. I keep hoping for that Aha! moment when clarity is achieved and the way is clear. Life doesn't much seem to be like that, though.

I read recently about "Silent Retreats" where you go somewhere, usually a monastery or similar, and experience total silence. The article recommended two weeks (!!) for maximum benefit. I almost wept at the thought of multiple hours, let alone days or weeks, with no talking. What an amazing respite that would be.

Then again, it's a little scary to ponder what one might actually come up with when left alone with only one's own thoughts for an extended period of time. I'm sure it's not all sunshine and roses, but I'd hope that you would walk out the other side with a better sense of self.

We're headed on vacation soon, and part of the time will be spent at a tiny little camp on a lake in Maine. I've been going there my entire life, and find an inordinate amount of peace in early mornings sitting on the dock, looking out at the glassy water. This year, I plan to use those silent times to do some internal listening. Maybe I'll find that little voice.